They are everywhere. Public parks, well-traversed
thoroughfares, and even in your place of business. Armed with only a smartphone
and a disturbing lack of peripheral awareness, they stalk their digital prey
using augmented reality. They are Pokemon Go users and they can be visually differentiated
from their equally-distracted texting peers by the angle at which they are
holding their phone. If their head is down and their phone is parallel to the
ground they are probably texting, if their head is up and their phone is in
front of them and perpendicular to the ground they are playing Pokemon Go. Both
could lead to vehicular homicide.
I first became aware of the phenomenon while working in my
front yard several days ago. A family that lives on a connecting street was walking
up the sidewalk but constantly stopping to hold their phone in front of their
face. At first it appeared that they had become disoriented and were unable to
find their way home, but after a brief conversation they explained to me that
they were playing a game.
In fact, they informed me that they were heading to a nearby cemetery
as it appeared to be a hotbed of Pokemon activity. At the conclusion of our
conversation, I waved and uttered one of those sentences I never thought that I
would say (“Have fun in the cemetery!”) While they are courteous people and
would not have interrupted a graveside service in the pursuit of a fictional
cartoon monster; I fear not all of their peers would exhibit the same decorum.
Since then, I have seen stories of teenagers stumbling across
dead-bodies and criminals utilizing gathering points in the game (known as “gyms”)
as opportunities to relieve players of their cash and valuables. Privacy
concerns abound – what other app would you so willingly give control of your
camera and GPS to? – and others are worried about traffic accidents that could
be caused by players.
On the flip side, it could also bring neighbors and families together
while prompting participants to stay active and explore their community. Nintendo
– who owns a large stake in the Pokemon franchise – has increased its market
value by $9 Billion in just a few days based upon the game's phenomenal success.
With financial rewards like that at stake, I expect this will not be Nintendo’s
last foray into augmented-reality gaming. I cannot wait for Resident Evil Go.
While I have not personally played it (as I fear doing so
could become so engrossing that I might forget that I have a wife, children,
and a need to bathe) I suppose it could be a positive trend with a few
important ground rules. I have compiled a preliminary list of places that you
should not be playing Pokemon Go:
Public Restrooms – Can you imagine being in a Flying J men’s
room when someone comes in with their smartphone camera aimed at your urinal
muttering something about “trying to capture a Jigglypuff”? This is fertile
ground for a rather serious misunderstanding.
Funeral Homes – As you gently shed tears over the casket of
your beloved Nana, an employee asks if you could scooch over so that he could
finally get that Pikachu that has been evading him all day. Oh, and he’s sorry
for your loss.
Presidential Rope Lines – I am sure that you will have plenty
of time to explain to the secret service why you were pushing people out
of the way while brandishing your smartphone. How can you be held responsible that Onix was hiding behind the
Commander in Chief?
Operating Theaters – While we would all like to pretend that neurosurgeons
and cardiologists are far too professional to become obsessed with capturing cartoon
characters, there is a very real danger that someone’s appendectomy could take
a nasty turn if a Charizard wanders into the operating room.
Airplanes – “Ladies and gentleman, this is your captain
speaking. If everyone would be kind enough to return to your seats, a member of
the flight crew will be by to collect any trash or Golems in your seating area.
Please report any suspicious Voltorbs to the air marshal.”
Narcotics Stings – Given that just about any of the Pokemon
monsters could easily double as a slang term for a street drug, it might not be
wise to wander around rough neighborhoods inquiring as to where one might find some
“Electrabuzz” “Weedle” or “Alakazam.”
The game appears to be so captivating that people forget
where they are and mindlessly gather at pre-determined “gyms” with no though to
their own personal safety. Perhaps we could weaponize the game to further weaken ISIS by placing the “gym” in a strike zone. I can imagine the
president addressing the nation:
“My fellow
Americans,
Just hours ago, at my command, Squirtle and Poliwag were
strategically deployed to a remote area outside Mosul. Within minutes, several
members of ISIS leadership began to gathering and we had reason to believe that
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi himself was present. I ordered an airstrike and I am
pleased to announce that we have dealt a decisive blow to the leadership of the
terrorist organization. Unfortunately, Diglett and Snorlax were unable to be
evacuated and gave the ultimate sacrifice. I have spoken to their families and
expressed my deepest condolences and the condolences of a grateful nation. All gave some, some gave Charmander."