Random Thoughts 8

• I have decided to build and offer Second Aid Kits. This seems prudent for two reasons:

1.      The first aid kit market is already over-saturated.

2.      The expectations are lower with a second-aid kit.

This would be for people who wish to offer token support in the event of a medical crisis. I haven’t settled on the contents yet but it will probably include a box of Dollar General Band aids, expired aspirin, a King James Bible and, depending on how effective the first aid kit was, either a Get Well card or a note of condolence.

• Judge me if you will, but my son loves it when I read Chicka Chicka Boom Boom to the tune of Regulate by Warren G.

• I enjoy it when people interject political ideas into the commentary section pf otherwise unrelated YouTube videos. There is nothing like watching, say, a miniature pony arc-weld and then scrolling down to find “Once Obama’s third term starts he will implement sharia law and mandatory unarmed abortions.”

• There is so much irony when a 24hr news network convenes a panel to discuss the proliferation of mass shootings and a participant laments that such tragedies tend to be spurned by “excessive media coverage.”

Ultimate Country Song

I was born on an old dirt road

So poor that momma’s birth-plan was the commode

Drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon on a Saturday night

It gets hard to tell who your kinfolk are in the pale moonlight.

Her eyes danced in the taillights of my four-wheel drive

Singing along to A County Boy Can Survive

It ain’t easy being a cusband and a father

Can’t mix Brittani-Sue’s formula with pond-water

Family tree got messier than an ink-blotter

Why’d I have to put the moves on Uncle Cooter’s only daughter?

Looks like we got another bun in the oven

We keep this mobile home rockin’ like a tornado’s coming

Fingers crossed and Good Lord willin’

I’ll get my new boat when she shatters Wal-Mart’s glass ceiling

• Not long ago, I found myself in a drive-thru line behind a woman in a Volvo SUV that featured the personalized license plate “HURTIN.”

1.      She is among the millions of Americans who live with chronic pain.

2.      She is facing financial insolvency.

3.      Hurtin is her surname.

I really hope it is the second option because that would mean that someone paid extra to affix a personalized license plate to a $45,000 SUV for the purposes of advertising their poverty.