Quotes

“Philosophy is a route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.” – Ambrose Bierce

“If you’re famous and on Twitter, you’re a moron.” – George Clooney

“Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art... It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things that give value to survival.” - C. S. Lewis

"One of the most important things you learn from the Internet is that there is no "them" out there. It's just an awful lot of "us" - Douglas Adams

“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.” – Winston Churchill

“You should always leave the party 10 minutes before you actually do so.” – Gary Larson

“Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.” – Bill Cosby

"Elijah Whiting, now nearing one hundred, had not succeeded in killing his wife with the shovel, nor had he recovered from the disappointment." - Richard Russo (from Empire Falls)

“Wickedness, when you examine it, turns out to be the pursuit of some good in the wrong way” – C.S. Lewis

"The best time to add insult to injury is when signing someone's cast." - Demetri Martin

"Mistrust all enterprises that require new clothes" - E.M. Forster

“Men never do evil so completely and cheerfully as when they do it from religious conviction.” - Blaise Pascal

“Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God’s final word on where your lips end.” - Jerry Seinfeld

 “There is no off position on the genius switch.” – David Letterman

“Jesus is our God come looking for us” – Von W Unruh

“You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.”– George W. Bush

“Sarcasm: the last refuge of modest and chaste-souled people when the privacy of their soul is coarsely and intrusively invaded.” - Fyodor Dostoevsky

“Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear.” – James Hollingworth

“Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.” – Erma Brombeck

“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” – Albert Einstein

“Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.” – Douglas Adams

“Parenthood remains the greatest single preserve of the amateur.” – Alvin Toffler

“Teaching is the only vocation where one consistently steals supplies from home to take to work.” - Unknown

“Never trust an animal that’s surprised by its own farts.” – Frank Skinner