The Power Chair

Recently, my wife and I were walking through a local furniture store when I started noticing that all of the recliners were advertising “free power upgrades.” When I inquired as to what this was, I was shown a pair of buttons on the side of the recliner that either elevated or retracted the footrest using a built-in motor.

Now I fully realize that the entire point of a recliner is relaxation, but if you are too feeble to manipulate the handle of a traditional arm-chair then perhaps the “power upgrade” you need is going to be a little more involved than just the footrest. How lazy have we become as a society that manual reclining is too taxing on our delicate bodies? Was there a public outcry concerning the “pull and lean” system I was unaware of? I was tempted to ask if they had a model with a bedpan so that I could evacuate my bowels without changing positions.

All I am saying is that if I pay extra to install an electric motor in a chair I own, it better have wheels and a speedometer. On top of that, who wants to arrange their furniture based on how close it is to an electrical outlet? I bet forty-five percent of divorces began with a disagreement over sofa positioning, so do we really want to throw the wildcard of being tethered to a 4-foot electrical cord into the mix?

I believe the entire thing is a conspiracy to sell consumers an “Extended Warranty Package” because the only thing more embarrassing that paying for a robo-chair is paying for one and not having the money to fix it. Can you imagine inviting people over for a Super Bowl party and asking them to bring camp chairs because half your furniture is “in the shop?”

Of course, some people would simply decline the extended warranty, buy a surge protector for the recliner, and take their chances.  Even with as little pride as I have, I draw the line at purchasing protective wiring for my ottoman. However, how embarrassing would it be to claim your loveseat on a lightning-strike homeowner’s claim?

“Sir, in addition to you television, DVR, and PC did you have any other damage from the lightning strike?”

“Actually, my sectional took a direct hit and I can no longer recline. Also, the infrared drawbridge armrest is stuck in the 2 o-clock position and my lumbar pre-sets are all screwed up.”

“Oh, I am sorry about that sir. I did not realize you were disabled.”

“I’m not. I was just tired of my electrical bill being unaffected by how often I use my living room furniture.”

Perhaps there is a demand for this type furniture, but I have never heard anyone sit down in a traditional recliner, lean back, and exclaim, “There has to be an easier way!” This is a slippery slope America. First we have remote control drones fighting wars for us, and then our recliners need a 20-AMP circuit. Pretty soon my LED TV will come with a “swivel engine” so I do not have to manually adjust the viewing angle while I am trying to upgrade the firmware in my beverage coaster.