Goddesses & Good Times

Prostitution has been called the world’s oldest profession and throughout history we see examples of individuals trading currency or commodities for carnal favors. However, as it remains illegal in the United States (with the exception of a few decommissioned bomb testing sites in Nevada) those dabbling in the flesh trade have been forced to run clandestine operations. While there are a few notable exceptions, such as the Arkansas “VIP Spa” for lonely truckers, most keep a low profile to avoid legal repercussions.

Founder Tracy Elise (during an apparent fireworks mishap)

This all changed in 1995 when former beauty queen Tracy Elise decided to leave her husband, children, and small business to pursue her destiny as a “goddess.” Unable to find an accredited university with a goddess program, she opted for real-world training in a Washington State massage parlor. From there she spent time at the Seattle Tantra Temple until she landed in Phoenix a few years ago and opened The Phoenix Goddess Temple, the most brilliant brothel the world has ever seen.

Elise claims that since her own sensual awakening, a journey that by her own admission involved over 1,000 lovers or about 1/8^th of the standing US coast guard, she has felt the calling to bring her spiritual eroticism to the masses. Well aware of the legal tightrope she was walking, Elise created a church that offered prosecutable services with un-prosecutable names like “Full body Chakra contact” and “Sacred Vessel Anointing.” All sessions are offered to “seekers” in exchange for “suggested donations” to further the mission of the temple.

Most female practitioners, referred to exclusively as goddesses, use quasi-mythological pseudonyms like “Ora Lakshmi” or “Astrid” and each has a profile page where they can showcase their specialties while prospective seekers view casual portraits (such as Leila Swan air-humping a cello while dressed as a Geisha or Angelica meditating butt-naked in a fern garden). Each goddess must adhere to the unquantifiable characteristics identified in the temple’s governing document such as embodying a “full spectrum living matrix” and “artfully weaving the ladder of light.” There is no mention of Microsoft Excel experience.

Goddess "Bast"on casual Friday.

The business model is so successful that the city of Phoenix has never been able to cite them for anything more substantial than inadequate parking in their three years of operation, partially because “seekers” sign a waiver implying that they are there for spiritual enlightenment only. A seeker is asked for a suggested hourly tithe based on the temple’s study of ancient numerology and these “donations” are cash only to provide a “deterrent to a person excessively visiting and going into debt.” 

After reading an expose in the Phoenix New Times and visiting the temple’s website, I must admit the group’s prodigious implementations of euphemisms for the male reproductive organ is nothing short of inspired. It is identified as a “wand of light,” “resonating vessel,” and if I am interpreting the FAQ correctly, a “fire finger” among others. Even the detailed descriptions seem to be constructed for reasonable doubt in a jury trial:

  “Everything I showed him about the Polarities that we learned in class blew his mind, and his awareness just grew and grew.  When I laid over him to plug the chakra energy centers into each other, I started at the root of course and let him feel it with his new awareness.  I wish you could have seen his face!  We then nested our energy centers the rest of the way up to the crown.”

I have read this four times and either something dirty transpired concerning some guy’s “nested energy center” or they took up a love offering. Even the extra services could be interpreted several ways:

Releasing Kundalini – either a Class C felony or what happens after consuming a chipotle burrito value meal.

Sacred Cacao Hot Chocolate Ceremony – either illegal for consenting adults in all 50 states or a delicious Christmas tradition served with graham crackers.

Tantric Soul Gazing – either extremely inappropriate for the office or the working title of Sting’s autobiography.

Surrender to Yin – either a source of venereal disease or a clever nickname for a Chinese plea-bargain.

Full Chakra Hug – either an erotic formal greeting or the street name for what happened to Joe Pesci’s character at the end of Casino.

I would be interested to see what happens if a “seeker” has something done to his “enlightenment basket” and declines to donate a “tithe.” Are there cosmic repercussions? Does the “goddess shaman” realign the seeker’s “inner being” with a complimentary “pressure point activation session” in the temple parking lot?

While I cannot condone the services offered by the Phoenix Goddess Temple, I must admire their creativity. Tracy Elise has created a business that openly exchanges sensual favors for cash in a busy metropolitan area while invoking the protections of religious freedom. The website is descriptive enough to make you want to take a shower but vague enough to make you unsure exactly why that shower is necessary. A visitor can read pages upon pages describing “cosmic-vessel awakening rituals” and “polarity staff realignment services” but not once could I find direct mention of genitals. The site’s wording in so effective that most Internet filters do not classify the site as adult.

It remains to be seen whether or not the city will find a way to shut down the temple, but in the meantime it appears that there are plenty of “seekers” whose “chakras” are in need of “enlightenment.”

The Phoenix Temple's Website is here.